No Way, Man

I will remain calm.

I am not freaking out.

But I would forgive myself if I did freak out. You see, I was at the supermarket fish counter, turned my head, and saw this:


…and I threw up a little bit in my mouth.

Not because it’s a crazy Texas cowboy Santa with a cactus and a penguin, but because I am NOT READY to deal with Christmas yet.

By this time last year, I had already:

  • – mixed up new Christmas music playlists
  • – put together a Christmas party outfit
  • – selected the Christmas-ey scent for my home
  • – bought my Christmas cards
  • – selected gifts for the nieces and nephews
  • – I was very close to buying a tree and decorating
  • – photoshopped my dogs to look like reindeer
  • – had a plan for wrapping and shipping everything off to our family and friends

But mostly, I had:

KNIT MORE THAN TWELVE CHRISTMAS GIFTS, and I did it all without ever stepping into a mall.

Clearly, Christmas is going to be different this year. Not bad, but different.

Just as long as I don’t freak out because I can’t be Martha Stewart this time.

27 comments on “No Way, Man

  1. It’ll be okay 🙂 This is how the rest of the world spends Christmas! I have 3 pairs of socks to make and I believe 8 more Christmas ornaments … Hahaha! You just gotta let it go and pop in one of those CDs and light an old Cedarbox candle … no planning required there!

  2. I’m so not even worrying about it this year. I think we’re both excused with “life.”

    I’ll be lucky if I get 4 gifts knitted this year. I’d be so proud if I did.

  3. christmas is one of those holidays with too much pressure. my favorite way is to spend it with my daughter and watch ‘a christmas story’ endlessly. unfortunately the rest of the family gets in the way of that.

  4. I would have thrown up in my mouth for an entirely different reason, but hey, to each her own.

    Next Christmas you can go back to the amazing level of Martha Stewart. Plenty of Christmases to go all out in the future. 🙂

  5. Well, come to the Netherlands. Here all shops wait till after December 5th, St. Nicolaus. Father Christmas is just an intruder here. And join the club of people with always the smallest tree or none, xmas cards that turn out happy new year cards (if you are lucky)and a vegetarian dinner because everything was sold out. 🙂 You are cordially invited, we will love to share it with you!

  6. I commend you for even having a Christmas spirit this year. If I was the one packing and moving I don’t think I’d be very holly jolly.

    I say you just open a bottle of champagne, let the boys model some hand knits, laugh and them and relax in front of the fire place. If you want to send out hand knits…send them in February!

  7. I think you deserve a Christmas break this year. Maybe you can knit everyone one mini Christmas stocking ornament for their tree or something?

    Reading all of your Christmas plans from last year again just made me tired. Very, very tired. I don’t know how you do it. Martha Stewart can’t hold a candle to you.

  8. You make me laugh everytime I read your blog and I thank you for that!! You definitely deserve a break from Christmas perfection this year!

  9. Ok, being part of the “family” that expects you to be like that EVERY christmas, I forgive you!! Ha,ha–like I will EVER be like that!! So, you are allowed, promise!!

  10. Thanks for the photo – I think it will be my Christmas card this year (it made me throw up a little in my mouth also)

    Every year I get angrier about how early the stores bring out the Christmas crap (especially the pre-wrapped gifts) most of that stuff is such junk but then they sell it to people who think they need a gift for everyone that they have seen more than twice in the past year. My protest is that I STOP shopping when the Christmas decorations come out. So if they start decorating in October, that gives me 3 months off ( and pent-up demand for the after-Christmas sales)

    Stacy, if you develop a bad reputation for timely gift-giving (it doesn’t affect your credit score), people will count anything in the same year as timely. One year, I had to get extra big envelopes so that I could last years Christmas cards (sealed and addressed) along with that year’s cards because they just didn’t get stamped and mailed the year before.

    but where is the doggy picture? Now that is an expectation that we won’t forgive. . . you have a reputation to uphold. :~)

  11. Girl, take a break from Xmess this year. I think with everything you’ve got going on, people will understand. You can still go handmade, just get everything on etsy instead of making yourself crazy. You’re allowed to have a holiday too.

  12. I totally understand the throwing up a little, I am so not ready for xmas either. I have a few things picked (just this week when we got paid) and have to wait till we get paid again to get more. URGH. I hate not having the money to get what I want when I want, (thanks to the DH’s ex)
    But just remember to try and enjoy yourself, everyone will understand. I wish I could take that advice.
    Do want to see the doggies dressed up though. 🙂

  13. Sometimes, you have to admit that you can’t be Superwoman and be ok with it. It’s not like you’ve been sitting around on your duff, without a care in the world! Make your Christmas about you and your needs this year 🙂

    and where are the pups?!

  14. Rather than defining Christmas by Martha (which I was VERY guilty of during my marriage), you now get to define your holidays by Staci. Which is much, much better. Happy Thanksgiving to you and the troops.

  15. I’m sorry that this year will be so different for you. Perhaps you could think of it as starting new traditions, instead of mourning how it was? You have been doing lots of knitting for your job and that’s just as important isn’t it? Besides, would your family and friends be happy if they heard you knocked yourself out to get them a present? Probably not. Make it easy on yourself. Here’s your new motto: There’s always next year.
    And, you can always give the hand made presents for their birthday or other events when it’s spread out through the year. I’m sure everyone understands that you’re moving, etc. You need to have a Happy Holiday too! (raise your glass now!)

  16. I’ve decided to be anti Christmas this year. I will do the bare minimum required, so as not to be the family asshole. But other than that, it’s all about me. I’ve finally gotten hold of this thing called Happiness, and I’m not letting anything take it away!

  17. No one but Martha can be Martha. I keep my holiday business very streamlined, my delicate sanity can’t take more than the minimum.

    That Santa is totally like, “Ow, this fucking hurts. Shit, people are watching, MUST KEEP SMILING.”

    And the Cactus is all, “That’s right, hug me, fat man.”

  18. It’s not even Thanksgiving yet, for crying out loud!
    I hate the fact that the stores start decorating and selling Christmas crap earlier every year. It’s the same here in Germany: I love, love, love “Spekulatius” and “Dominosteine” (sorry, no idea how to translate that), but not before December, please. There’s nothing special about the Advent anymore if you start celebrating it in September.

    Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

  19. I really don’t like how Christmas accessories were put up around here before Halloween. If I could boycott and not spend any money, I would. However, the cat has her ‘nip addiction, and I have a need for toothpaste. Not to mention sock yarn.

    I think you get a free pass this year. But, um… yay for the fish counter!

  20. Staci, I feel your pain. I was in Lowe’s on Tuesday and was appalled by the inflatable decor I saw. They were not only huge, but tacky and expensive. Plus, it’s hard to get pumped about Christmas when it’s 75 outside. I used to have all of my shopping done before Thanksgiving, but not now. Hell, I’ll be lucky if things get done by December 24!

    Happy Thankmas (that’s Thanksgiving and Christmas together).

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