My Sensitive Security System

Oy. Gotta story from last night.

4:06 am: I’m soundly in dreamland when two dogs BOLT out of bed and run for the backdoor. Thinking it’s a potty emergency, I stumble to the door, open it, and go back to bed.

4:08 am: My bedroom window is open, and I can hear that this is no potty emergency. Instead, the dogs are whining, growling, and gnashing their teeth. I slip on some flip-flops, turn on the backyard lights, and go outside.

4:09 am: My eyes are still trying to focus, but I can see that the dogs are really interested in the fence. Whatever. So the neighbors let their dog out or something. I call them back in. They ignore me. I move closer to see what is really going on…and I see a possum butt on top of the fence, it’s long tail mere centimeters from my jumping dogs. The possum is huge, and putting all of it’s efforts into balancing on top of the fence. The possum must have been afraid to move.

4:10 am: Two things are running through my mind…first – Wow! These two dogs were under the covers with me 4 minutes ago…how did they know there was an animal in the backyard? I feel safe with these guys around. And second – No! I do not want my dogs to catch this possum. They will catch it, kill it, and drag it into the house while I stand there fully grossed-out.

4:10 am: I am standing outside in a tank top and flip-flops. It is raining a little bit. My dogs won’t listen to me. I will have to catch them and carry them into the house. I step a little closer to the fence to grab Abe, and the possum’s butt wobbles right above my head. Eeeeee! Do not want possum on my head this morning! I try baby-talk to coax Abe closer to me. He hardly notices that I’m there.

4:15 am: Somehow, I muster up an amazing amount of energy and skill. I manage to catch both dogs and throw them in the house without a possum landing on me. I get back in bed.

4:16 am: Both dogs are pacing the house, whining, scratching on doors and windows. Abe grabs the corner of my comforter and tries to pull it off the bed. I yell totally useless commands like, “Stop it!”, “No!”, “Get in bed!”, and “You can’t have the possum!”.

4:17 to 4:45 am: More of the same.

4:45 to 5:15 am: More of the same, except Ike finally gives up and gets in bed.

5:16 am: I figure that the possum must be gone by now. Hoping for a little peace, I open the backdoor and two dogs bolt out again.

5:18 am: I am grateful that the whining and scratching has stopped, but my eyes are burning for some reason. I imagine that possum germs fell on me, and now I have a possum eye disease.

5:50 am: I cannot sleep. I’m pretty sure I have a possum eye disease.

6:10 am: The Mighty Hunters are zonked out in bed with me, but I am wide awake. I give up, and make coffee. My eyes have stopped burning, and I realize that I do not have a possum eye disease.

9:20 am (now): Ike and Abe have finished their breakfast and are catching up on sleep. Lucky bastards.


28 comments on “My Sensitive Security System

  1. Yeap, I had a PB (Possum Bastard) under the flooring of me home. No dog or cat security to protect me so I ,while standing on my bed using the dresser as a ramp to reach the phone called 9-1-1. Yeap they assured me that all was well the PB was simply building it’s home under my flooring or something like that. Didn’t sleep for days as I knew it would be a very short time before we shared living quarters.

  2. Ha ha! That’s a great story. But hey, at least it wasn’t a skunk! I have a similar story, but it begins at 1:30 in the morning and ends with both my dog AND me getting gassed in the face by a baby skunk. And then I had to go to work next day. Oddly enough, Eau de Skunk isn’t necessarily conducive to earning good tips behind the bar! LOL

  3. I’m glad you don’t have possum eye disease. Don’t know what that would be like, but I’m pretty sure it’s not good.

    Also glad to hear your dogs are good for security. My two didn’t even wake up when someone was actually inside our house a few years ago. They are really just worried about where me and my husband are at all times. Other people, even wandering in at 2:30am, don’t even register.

  4. Eewww!! I hate possum! I’ve a similar story:

    My late Siberian husky (barkless also!) was yelping at something at 4am. I was still living with my parents in San Antonio. I heard my dad go downstairs to investigate so I followed suit. We found a gi-normous possum balancing himself on the fence, hissing at my husky. I didn’t want my dog ripping it to pieces and risking rabies, also I didn’t want to pick up the carcass like I had to with the skunk (another story). I loaded my BB gun and gave it a few pumps. I aimed the barrel at the possum’s tail and pulled the trigger. The possum stopped hissing and started howling like a cat! That howling excited the other neighborhood dogs so my dad and I quickly closed the backdoor and turned off the light, laughing hysterically.

  5. Possum eye disease?!? I’m so glad I’m not the only one who gets hypochondriacal in the middle of the night. Last night every itch was a poisonous spider for me. (I recently moved to an area that has them, and I saw a (almost certainly non-poisonous) spider in the house yesterday and neglected to take it outside. Therefore I had to worry about it all night.)

  6. here’s to late-night-early-morning hypochondria! same-ish story involving indoor cats that somehow get out onto my porch (i live on the top floor of a house) and chase the crap out of a racoon – all over the adjoining porches, over the roof, etc.etc, who then realize they’re indoor cats and ‘oh-my-god-where-the-hell-are-we’ and freeze in terror, forcing me to climb over said adjoining balconies to retrieve them. oh, at 3:30 am. in my nightshirt. nice.

  7. Be so very glad no opposum was killed in your yard, as THEN the true fun begins. The ONLY thing that smells worse than a dead opposum is 3 dogs rolling on said dead opposum. Worst.smell.ever. I’m with you, while I very much appreciate dog protection abilities, after the cursory “hey! there’s something there!” bark, at that time in the morning I want them to shut the heck up! Good dogs getting rid of icky opposum.

  8. I’m so glad you don’t have possum eye disease! 🙂
    Loved reading your story this Monday morning. I hope you get to catch up on some sleep soon.

  9. Could possum eye disease really be the cause of pink eye….Am I the only one who is thinking expensive government grant?

  10. That story scared me! When I was a kid, I used to have this recurring nightmare of a possum jumping from a tree, landing on someone’s head (sometimes mine, sometimes my dad’s, sometimes a stranger’s), and clinging on up there. I would’ve let those dogs get that possum, if only so I wouldn’t have to go near it. Blech!

    Glad you don’t have possum eye disease, though. Love those middle-of-the-night thoughts (my most recent one was that my grandma must’ve died, because I had just dreamed about her walking upstairs in my in-law’s house. wtf?)

  11. The scary but silent security team that can sneak up on any and all unwary intruders. I have had to pull one of my dogs off the fence at a really late hour because they had a cat fenced right at my neighbors open window.

    I am so sad that you have moved from Houston because I was hoping to get to see some blogging sisters when I went to visit family but no I only slightly know Christine.

  12. Hahahaha….I can totally relate to this story. My smallest doxie is an alert system. Some nights, the slightest event outside sets her off constantly. For the longest time someone on our street worked the night shift, and left for work every night about 1:30am. Mini woke us up every night to let us know someone was driving by. 🙂

  13. Would you be horribly upset if I told you I laughed so hard that I cried? Dude, you totally made my day.

    Also, I’m loving the TT pattern.

  14. Possum eye disease. I’m still giggling. That is just AWESOME. Glad you are able to see again after all, and that no possums landed on your head. Possums are the most vile creatures *ever*.

  15. Yikes! I have had several opossum encounters. My german shepherd mix caught three, but never killed one. I even had to take one baby one to the emergency vet in the middle of the night. :-\ I am happy to say we have moved away, but now he’s chasing rabbits. Rabbits that are faster than he is 😀

  16. I laughed sooo hard at possum eye disease, but if ANYONE on earth were to get it, you know it WOULD be YOU. All of these comments, really make me glad that I live where there are no poisonous spiders,no raccoon, and no possum. Only the largest grizzly bear, but no dog would be barking if it were at the fence. Or not barking as the case may be.

  17. One of the first lessons given to me by my dogs. 2 dogs running to the back door (no matter the time of day or night), means they are after something. It is a lesson they reinforce all they time. Maybe they were just trying to catch dinner for you. LOL

  18. Oh my god Staci! You tell the best stories! Save that one for “Memoirs of a Bensenji (owner)”
    Glad it all worked out okay and that they have good ears and reactions!
    Also, have you seen the teeth on them possums? Sharp little razors!
    So glad no one got hurt, and that you only lost some sleep. I’m sure that animal will think hard about returning to your yard.

    Have a good weekend.

  19. Another possum story:

    An old boyfriend and his dad were walking along one day and came across a possum. The dad said “Let me show you what we used to do when we were kids.” Then the dad kicked the possum, who did flips in the air. The kick and the fright apparently scared the crap out of the possum, literally, because fecal matter went flying everywhere, including on the dad.

    Then the boyfriend said, “That’s what you used to do as a kid? You got crapped on?”

  20. A couple of years ago I was staying at my moms and I was doing laundry in her garage. I had dumped the dirty clothes on the floor the day before and was just now getting around to starting the washing machine. As I was grabbing pieces of clothing and tossing them in to the tub I thought I saw the clothes moving. I convinced myself that I was imagining things and went about my business. Then…I was positive I saw a pair of my undies move. My first thought was that it might be a snake. My mom doesn’t live out in the wilds by any means but we’ve have more than one snake encounter in her yard through out the years…so I got a broom handle and from a distance I very carefully moved the undies and and there sat two, tiny, very stunned baby oppossum. They were just about 3 inches long yet they were both pretty sure that they were ferocious. They hissed at me for all they were worth. I’m sure I infuriated the one I picked up. I brought it in to the house to show my mom and she just about had a heart attack. She made me take it outside and wanted me to put it outside of the garage. AS IF! I made a little box for the both of them and I secretly fed them Cheerios for a couple of weeks. Apparently they grew weary of a nothing but stale Cheerios diet and I didn’t see them for quite some time. The next time I saw them they were not in any condition to eat if ya know what I mean.

  21. Hi Staci
    This is Les from England. You have our website (Northern Basenji Society) as a perma link to your photo of carrying a Basenji native style.
    I just love your possum story. It’s hilarious. Can I use it in our next club magazine?
    Luv from all Northern Basenji Folk in UK.

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