Oy. Gotta story from last night.
4:06 am: I’m soundly in dreamland when two dogs BOLT out of bed and run for the backdoor. Thinking it’s a potty emergency, I stumble to the door, open it, and go back to bed.
4:08 am: My bedroom window is open, and I can hear that this is no potty emergency. Instead, the dogs are whining, growling, and gnashing their teeth. I slip on some flip-flops, turn on the backyard lights, and go outside.
4:09 am: My eyes are still trying to focus, but I can see that the dogs are really interested in the fence. Whatever. So the neighbors let their dog out or something. I call them back in. They ignore me. I move closer to see what is really going on…and I see a possum butt on top of the fence, it’s long tail mere centimeters from my jumping dogs. The possum is huge, and putting all of it’s efforts into balancing on top of the fence. The possum must have been afraid to move.
4:10 am: Two things are running through my mind…first – Wow! These two dogs were under the covers with me 4 minutes ago…how did they know there was an animal in the backyard? I feel safe with these guys around. And second – No! I do not want my dogs to catch this possum. They will catch it, kill it, and drag it into the house while I stand there fully grossed-out.
4:10 am: I am standing outside in a tank top and flip-flops. It is raining a little bit. My dogs won’t listen to me. I will have to catch them and carry them into the house. I step a little closer to the fence to grab Abe, and the possum’s butt wobbles right above my head. Eeeeee! Do not want possum on my head this morning! I try baby-talk to coax Abe closer to me. He hardly notices that I’m there.
4:15 am: Somehow, I muster up an amazing amount of energy and skill. I manage to catch both dogs and throw them in the house without a possum landing on me. I get back in bed.
4:16 am: Both dogs are pacing the house, whining, scratching on doors and windows. Abe grabs the corner of my comforter and tries to pull it off the bed. I yell totally useless commands like, “Stop it!”, “No!”, “Get in bed!”, and “You can’t have the possum!”.
4:17 to 4:45 am: More of the same.
4:45 to 5:15 am: More of the same, except Ike finally gives up and gets in bed.
5:16 am: I figure that the possum must be gone by now. Hoping for a little peace, I open the backdoor and two dogs bolt out again.
5:18 am: I am grateful that the whining and scratching has stopped, but my eyes are burning for some reason. I imagine that possum germs fell on me, and now I have a possum eye disease.
5:50 am: I cannot sleep. I’m pretty sure I have a possum eye disease.
6:10 am: The Mighty Hunters are zonked out in bed with me, but I am wide awake. I give up, and make coffee. My eyes have stopped burning, and I realize that I do not have a possum eye disease.
9:20 am (now): Ike and Abe have finished their breakfast and are catching up on sleep. Lucky bastards.