First, I’d like to thank everyone again for the kind thoughts and notes. Even without knowing what was wrong, you’ve all been so good to me. Now it’s time I let you know how things stand.
Chris and I met in 1999, in Seattle, Washington. He was walking his Basenji (Gus), and I was walking mine (Ike). We just happened to be at the same park at the same day, with the same breed of dog. After talking for a few minutes, we realized that if we hadn’t met that day, we would have met the next – as we both had plans to attend a Basenji Playday in a nearby town. Chris has always said that this is more than a coincidence, and that we were destined to meet.
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After that, we became instant friends and talked to each other nearly every day. We saw each other frequently, with the excuse of getting the dogs together to play.
It wasn’t long before we quit with the excuses, and just started dating. This photo of Gus and Ike was taken on the day after we met. They were instant best friends, too. |
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Over the last eight years, we’ve lived in four different houses and traveled the world. |
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We have had long-term plans of building our dream home in Illinois, with plenty of room for the dogs to run. |
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Our family has grown and changed. We adopted Hank in 2000, and sadly lost him to cancer 4 years later. Since then, we adopted Lou, and sort of accidentally adopted Abe once we realized that he was more than just a foster dog to us. |
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We’ve had good times and bad, and highs and lows. Even during the low times, I can confidently say we’ve remained best friends.
Everyday I’ve looked forward to waking up next to him, spending time with him, and taking care of him. |
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Upon returning home from my trip to Alaska two weeks ago, Chris had an announcement.
He is done with me. BOOM. |
Now what? Well, I don’t know. Everything that I’ve known as my life, my loves, my family, my home, my future…it has all changed. I’m baffled and angry and sad. I live in a state that is still new to me, over 4000 miles away from my family. The most painful part is that Chris isn’t interested in getting professional help in the hopes of reconciliation.
I’m working on a plan. A plan for me as a single person. A plan I never thought I would have to make.
Surprisingly, I’m holding it together pretty well. After the first two days of nearly constant meltdowns, I’ve realized that I hate feeling like that. I pulled my head out of my ass and decided that was no way to live. I’m doing my best to take care of myself. I’m also being sure to give my dogs all of the love and attention they deserve, which brings me joy in return.
I promise that verypink will once again be a happy place to visit. Soon. I need it to be.
That’s how it stands.
BOOM.
Staci here – please be kind in your comments. Kind to all parties involved. Thanks.
Hi. I’ve been a reader for some time here, and I’m really sad to hear the news. I was kinda worried, too.
You seem to be a very optimistic person, and I’m sure that will help you a lot in this new stage of your life. I wish you the best.
(and i’m sorry that i can’t write exactly what i feel, english isn’t my first language)
Love
m
It’s so hard to fight for something when the other person doesn’t have the desire to do so. Today was the first day I officially worried about you . . . worried about whether things were so raw that writing didn’t help. So, even if it’s not all about the happy for a while, I *am* glad to hear that you’ll be coming back to verypink soon.
Staci~ ~ ~I am so sorry to hear this sad news. I have checked in almost every day in hopes to see some good news about your wellbeing. I have missed you. Be well my friend. You are a strong gal and your spirit will carry you thru to the new path that lays ahead for you.
I have missed your posts and am so sorry to hear what you’re going through. Please take care of yourself! I look forward to more verypink and your cute doggies whenever you are ready!
I’m so sorry this has happened to you…
I’m so sorry that Chris isn’t willing to work with you on this. Let me know what I can do to help you. Anything, anytime, anywhere!
Dear Staci – I’m so sorry to hear this news. I was just about to send you a second, “We’re here for you in blogland message.” Now, somehow that seems hollow, but unfortunately it’s all I have to offer. I hope you know that there are many, many people out here (who don’t even really know you), but realize how wonderful you are and are just wishing you happiness and peace …We’re all rooting for you!
((((Staci))) Sooo sorry for what you’re going through. Have been so worried about you. Maybe you need a roadtrip to Austin…if you come, please let me know. Waves of good feeling from here to there.
There are just no good words for this, ever…but I’m sorry, and I wish you and the barkless boys much comfort. If you need anything, please give me a shout.
Jeez louise, that’s really, really . . . crappy. Yowza, does love suck sometimes or WHAT?! I’m sending some California sunshine and major girl power your way, fellow Staci!
Staci, I am very sad for you, and very sad for Chris, too, because I can’t help thinking that someday he will kick himself for this.
I don’t buy into the “everything happens for a reason” stuff; things happen because…someone got bored, or got lazy, or wasn’t paying attention, or simply changed. We aren’t in control of others’ desires and intentions; we are only in control of our own.
How you handle this blow defines you. You’ve licked your wounds and begun the healing process. Not to say that it’s something you’ll get over quickly; the death of love is extraordinarily painful. But you are intelligent, creative, competent, and beautiful – and honey, the world is your oyster! Chapter __ is about to begin.
Oh Staci – bleh. That about sums it up.
Hug the doggies.
I’ll keep you in my thoughts.
Staci –
I was so happy when I saw a new post on verypink, and then so sad to read about what you’re going through. Being ‘unintentionally still-single’ at 39, you have my sympathy for the grief/anger/stress, and total support for whatever comes next for you. I echo Chey’s comments – you are an extremely capable and articulate woman. Your personality shines thru VeryPink.com and has drawn all of us back to check your updates (and even start blogs!). I have confidence that it will become what you need it to be and be the forum for us in blogland to be with you. Hang in there…
– Debra
Oh, Staci, I am so sorry to hear this. Partly because your story of meeting and being friends first sounds so similar to my own. Be well and know that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger – you may wish it killed you when you’re going through it, but you will be stronger on the other end. Please be well and take care of yourself.
Bah! His loss, I say. Don’t worry – something this rotten only means you’re now due something that much more awesome later on down the road. You just wait. And I say this as a card-carrying pessimist, so that means it’s true.
When I went through something very similar over two years ago, I started that little gruesome cartoon series as a catharsis. So, if you ever feel like knitting a faux-blood-stained scarf or something, I not only highly recommend it for therapy but would absolutely buy it from you! 😉
Seriously, though, I wish you the best. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You seem like such a lovely person. Nobody with a good blog deserves that! *many hugs*
Staci, let us know if you need help with your plan. Please keep us posted. I’m in the same boat as you, so hearing about you being strong and smart will certainly be helpful. *hugs*
Comment
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong,
And I am Marie of Roumania.
-Dorothy Parker
Come to Austin, Staci. It’s a place for the wounded…and hopeful…
Oh no. Nononono no. I cannot believe this.
I know that whatever I could say right now isn’t going to help with anything, so just this: thinking of you and wishing you all the best in the world, Staci. Hang in there and give the dogs a big hug from me.
Oh damn, damn, damn. I am sending you white light and some Seattle good-vibe lovins across the internets. My girlfriends and I recently supplied a box of Goodwill dishes to another friend who just went through the same thing. The dishes met a sad fate on the sidewalk, one by one, but she said she felt better. Take care of yourself.
I’m sorry kiddo. We’ve known each other for a long time, and I know the strength you have. Although we haven’t talked much over the years, I’m convinced that there are few people that could overcome adversity like you can.
Again, I am sorry. If you need anything, you know where I am.
Following Lorelei’s cry I read this – and need to say some words:
Be strong, Staci! You have a lot of friends all around the world. Each love, new ones as same as old, stable ones, have a chance to break in splinters ALL the time. It’s the dark side of the incredible thing called love.
For the future nobody know what’s happens. Don’t give up yourself. Even if the next time not the best in your life, good times will follow. World’s great, world’s wonderful, world’s so much full of new experiences.
Marco from Austria
Oh Staci, All I can say is that I was shocked to read it, and sad for you. I too have went through the same thing, hence the reason I am back in Canada and no longer in The Netherlands (where my ex husband is from).
Stay strong girl and you will get through this, and come out the other side better and wiser for what has happened.
Keep me posted and let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I am always a few mouse clicks away. (((((Hugs)))))
THINKING OF YOU AND GOING THROUGH SIMILAR – wishing you the best.
My mom always said beware of men buying new cars – she did – I swear.
You’re in my thoughts and prayers – best wishes to you.
Staci, my dear, I am so sorry. You know, when you announced that you had troubles, after just getting back from Alaska, I thought that was it. As they say “put on your big girl panties…”. Not so fun being a big girl sometimes.
If you’d like to come to Maryland to get away, please feel free to come visit me. If I can do something to help you get situated, please tell me what it is.
Shawn
Staci:
What can someone say when something like this happens? I’m not really sure, but I will say this…I will keep you in my thoughts and send you all the strength that I can. Take care of yourself.
Oh Staci, I was so shocked to hear of this news. Be strong and know that we are all here for you. Take the time you need and know that I will be looking forward to future posts. I know that you must still be in shock, but I have no doubt that you are already on your way to better days.
Take care and please let us all know how you are doing from time to time.
Staci – I am so sorry to hear about this but keep your head high and you will find peace. Many hugs and well wishes to you!
Christine in GA
Wow. I’m glad you have your Basenjis to help get you through this. If you still decide you want to come to Illinois anyway, remember that I live in Edwardsville. You can lean on me and the Rt. 66 Basenji Club and we’ll help you get through this.
Debbie B-T
I am so sorry for what you’re going through. There is little that can be said that could provide any relief to the feelings and emotions you have right now. A ((((hug)))) is being sent along with much understanding since so many of us have had to deal with this or similar unexpected ‘changes’. We’ve never met but I consider you a friend of mine because I have gotten to know you through your blog. I hate that you are going through this simply because I know how much it sucks through personal experience. You have so many friends you haven’t met in person that care deeply for you and are sharing your pain now because you are such a wonderful, intelligent, talented woman. Again, one more (((((hug))))).
Staci – A friend of mine had told me about your website and what you’re going through. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now but you’ve already made tremendous strides in picking yourself up and moving on with your life. I wish you only the best and I have no doubt that a happy, fulfilled life is ahead of you.
Staci-I had a feeling this is what was going on and I’m sorry. I had the same thing happen a couple of years ago and had to start all over. I wouldn’t wish what you’re going through on anyone. The one mantra which gets me through the tough days is “it will all be okay, different but okay”. I realize you don’t know me from Adam, but please, if you need support, I’m here with a 3 AM ear if you need it.
Damn, now I will not get to meet you and I really like your sense of humor and site. I will continue to be a fan of verypink. Hang in there.
Staci –
You are a strong, smart and amazing woman. There are no words I can type that can comfort you more, but just know that you are loved, by the people that know you and many, many people that do not.
It will be hard for a while, and you will get used to living with the pain, then one day, yo’ll start feeling a bit better and then you’ll start to realize that you’re only missing the pain you felt, not the past. And you’ll be stornger for it. Until then, cry, get mad, hurt… do the things that you need to do to get it all out.
And if you ever need anyhing – do not hesitate to put it up at your site. There are so many of us who have been through similar situations who want to help. And we will be here for you. I promise.
Take care of you, hug the dogs and just make every 15 minutes the next best 15 minutes of your life.
I am really, really sorry. Hang in there. Many Alaska hugs to you!
Staci – I have been an admiring “lurker” to your page for some time. Your amazing writing and even more amazing knitter got me hooked and has kept me coming back for me. I wanted to leave you a comment to let you know that we are all thinking about you. As my fellow friend Cassie has already stated – we may know you only in blogland, but we are all out here “wishin and hopin” for the best for you.
i’m so sorry to hear about this. one day he’ll regret this decision. i’m in wisconsin. if you want/need a change of scenery, my house is a disaster, but the boys and you are very welcome. seriously. it’s even southern wisconsin, so illinois is never far away. cody would love to meet you and the boys (cody is my lab/weimaraner mix from the jefferson humane society). hang in there. it may feel like the end of the world (and sometimes it is) but “this too shall pass”. i’ve always hated that saying, but it is true. we’re here for you. let us know what you need and we’ll all do our best to get it to you. love and hugs and kisses to you.
Staci!
I was so looking forward to you getting back on line. But not like this. But I hadda feeling! {{{{{Hugs}}}}} As someone who has gone through a major life change lately. (Lost both of my Dobermans and my elderly mother who I cared for in 6 months). It can be scary and daunting. But don’t think of it as an end think of it as a new beginning. Hugs to you and the Boyz (who I hope don’t get the bad end of this by being split up)
XOXO
Melody
PS And Rita is right. Go to Austin its a great place to recoup. Have a Capital Margarita for me while you’re there
Hey Staci. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time. You are a very strong and determined person so I know that you will overcome this situation. I’ve missed you at SNB and hope to see you soon.
Wow, I’m in shock! But I always am when I hear sad news like this. I have never written you before, but I’ve read this blog for well over a year. (I don’t knit, I don’t have a dog, nor do I live in Texas) I just found it randomly and thought your sense of humor was great so I kept coming back. I wish you the best, and I want you to come out better on the other side. Take Care and Good Luck
Nickie
(((Staci))) Sweetie,I am soooo sorry to hear the news. My heart breaks and just aches, for you. In time, things will heal, but until then, it will be hard. Know that you have a lot of friends, here in Houston and worldwide. If you need anything, let us know!
(((huggs)))
I’m so sorry…
Staci,
I’m a huge fan of your site, and I admire you so much. Words never express how raw you can feel when things like this happen. After I read your last entry, I felt absolutely sick to my stomach, and you were on my mind all day at work. Well, I will be nice, but there are all sorts of nasty, pointy words in my mind right now for the cause of your pain. I sincerely hope that you go from utterly heartbroken to solid as a rock quickly. Build a little birdhouse in your soul honey!
Hi Staci, I just stumbled upon your blog recently, I don’t even like knitting. I am a college student in Virginia and I loved reading your blog. I am so sorry to hear about what has happened. I have never left a comment before but I wanted you to know you are in my prayers and there is life after this transition. I could never say anything to take away the pain you are feeling right now but I wanted to let you know I enjoyed your words so much and I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Please take care of yourself.
A Poff
(((((Staci))))), I’m usually a lurker, but have always loved your blog. I’m a knitter in Houston who has bumped into you a few times. My deepest sympathies for your horrible loss. If you need anything from an almost stranger let me know. The boys will take good care of you, and you have so many friends who are here for you. Please take care and if nothing else, know how many of us care.
Oh my gosh. I cannot even imagine. I know we’ve just “met” through Ravelry and all, but honestly, my heart-felt best wishes for you to just move through this bad period with nothing but good at the other end. Be well and take care of yourself.
Staci,
I began reading this blog well over a year ago. Though I have absolutely no interest in knitting and have never even seen a basenji in real life, your lighthearted, happy-go-lucky style of writing and ability to convey your personality through your words kept me hooked. I’ve only now felt compelled to leave a comment, just to let you know that the way you’re handling this debacle with such impeccable grace is an inspiration to all of us. I’m sure the scars you walk away from this with will only add even more to your charming character.
Best wishes and good luck,
Ashley
Staci- One day you will look back and say “how did I ever get through that time?” And you will be so proud of yourself for how far you will have come and how well you will have done. But for right now I know that is not much comfort. For right now just take the best care of yourself you can. I’ve been through the same thing and self care is a very important part of healing. Please know that each of us who enjoys your wonderful blog is pulling for you. Verypink will always be a happy place to be- and I am sure that i speak for all of us in saying we will be here with you every step of the way. We don’t care if we are talking about knitting, sudden life changes, dogs, or Alaska. We are here for all of it with you! We are just glad to be here.
Thinking of you…