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Edge Tension video
The Mysteries of Row Gauge
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I enjoy the podcast very much, and think Polly is a great addition, though of course, KC is missed, too.
On the topic of getting gauge but the fabric isn’t right, I think one area that might be an issue is the original swatch. Some people say swatches lie… I disagree with that statement. I think we lie to ourselves about how we knit them. Many people dislike swatching, treat it as a chore to be gotten through, make them as small as possible, and sometimes forget to wash them as the FO will be washed. The result is swatches that bear little resemblance to our actual knitting.
I would recommend a few things to the knitter who posed the question. Number one… knit a big swatch! Big enough that you relax and knit in your normal tension. Then, wash and dry the swatch, and keep it. If you need the yarn to finish the project, save the swatch yarn to last.
Then, as you knit if things don’t look right, stop, block your knitting, and measure the gauge. Does it match the swatch? If it does, then your swatch is true, but something else is wrong. If it is different, recalculate things, using the actual knitting to determine gauge.
Chances are, this will solve the issues she is having.
Your advice about sizing the stitch on the needle shaft is excellent, something that takes time and practice to perfect. 50 years later, I knit a bit loosely, and typically go down a needle size. Someday I will get it right!