First, I’d like to thank everyone again for the kind thoughts and notes. Even without knowing what was wrong, you’ve all been so good to me. Now it’s time I let you know how things stand.
Chris and I met in 1999, in Seattle, Washington. He was walking his Basenji (Gus), and I was walking mine (Ike). We just happened to be at the same park at the same day, with the same breed of dog. After talking for a few minutes, we realized that if we hadn’t met that day, we would have met the next – as we both had plans to attend a Basenji Playday in a nearby town. Chris has always said that this is more than a coincidence, and that we were destined to meet.
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After that, we became instant friends and talked to each other nearly every day. We saw each other frequently, with the excuse of getting the dogs together to play.
It wasn’t long before we quit with the excuses, and just started dating. This photo of Gus and Ike was taken on the day after we met. They were instant best friends, too. |
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Over the last eight years, we’ve lived in four different houses and traveled the world. |
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We have had long-term plans of building our dream home in Illinois, with plenty of room for the dogs to run. |
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Our family has grown and changed. We adopted Hank in 2000, and sadly lost him to cancer 4 years later. Since then, we adopted Lou, and sort of accidentally adopted Abe once we realized that he was more than just a foster dog to us. |
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We’ve had good times and bad, and highs and lows. Even during the low times, I can confidently say we’ve remained best friends.
Everyday I’ve looked forward to waking up next to him, spending time with him, and taking care of him. |
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Upon returning home from my trip to Alaska two weeks ago, Chris had an announcement.
He is done with me. BOOM. |
Now what? Well, I don’t know. Everything that I’ve known as my life, my loves, my family, my home, my future…it has all changed. I’m baffled and angry and sad. I live in a state that is still new to me, over 4000 miles away from my family. The most painful part is that Chris isn’t interested in getting professional help in the hopes of reconciliation.
I’m working on a plan. A plan for me as a single person. A plan I never thought I would have to make.
Surprisingly, I’m holding it together pretty well. After the first two days of nearly constant meltdowns, I’ve realized that I hate feeling like that. I pulled my head out of my ass and decided that was no way to live. I’m doing my best to take care of myself. I’m also being sure to give my dogs all of the love and attention they deserve, which brings me joy in return.
I promise that verypink will once again be a happy place to visit. Soon. I need it to be.
That’s how it stands.
BOOM.
What, what, WHAT?!
Oh my gosh…I feel so sad for you. I know that I would feel just lost and devastated if my husband did that to me. Please take time for yourself. And please don’t make any rash decisions at this time…like big cross country moves. But do take trips to see friends and family and figure things out. Take tons of time to center on your feelings and what you really want next. It is time for it to be “all about you.” 🙂
Makes me wish I was still in TX to help you. 🙂
Staci–I’ve been a huge fan a the site since I stumbled upon it from cuteoverload about a year ago. I’m sorry to hear about your situation but from what I’ve seen on verypink, you are strong and positive, always. There’s no way your future is anything but bright, even if it doesn’t feel like that right now. I hope you realize what a positive difference your blog makes for so many; we’re all here for you and rooting for you!
reading your posting this morning made me cry but coming home this afternoon to read all these comments just makes me smile. All this this love, care and concern just has to to turn Karma around soon.
Hey Staci-
I also stumbled on this blog via Cute Overload many months ago and it’s been a highlight of my Monday/Wednesdays/Fridays ever since.
I was hoping this wasn’t the “life” that was happening, and now that you’ve confirmed that it is I am truly sorry.
This kind of thing is one of the worst to go through…if not THE worst.
Your strength is inspiring, even though I know you probably feel anything but strong right now.
I know know your future is rosy…VERY pink if you will!!
Oh Staci, I’m so, so sorry! I’m here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on or bitch to, let me know.
Staci, I came across your website through your postings on BRAT-chat, and I’ve come back occasionally when you’ve posted more (I have two B’s myself, one a rescue from BRAT). Then I found out you were a knitter (teaching myself now), and I HAD to add you to my reader, period.
I’m so sorry for what you are going through, as MANY people have said before. From what I have read, you are a strong woman (have to be with so many B’s!) and you will make it through this, you always will, because there is always a tomorrow…
Your B’s will keep your mind off things with endless TP raids or random “slayings” of those evil paper towels (who knew?) and put a smile on your face when dance and baroo to you… just think of the wagging cinnamon roll tails… and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Victoria
I know I emailed you offline, but I forgot to say, you should come to ABQ and we can have a spa weekend and drink wine and pretend stinky boys don’t exist. 😉
Staci,
I stumbled on your website when I was lonely and had just moved to Houston. You inspired me to try my hand and knitting – I soon discovered I was much better at rocks than knitting but your website quickly moved from my last of daily readings to the first. I have been worried about you since your return home. I am sorry this happened and I agree with everyone that you don’t deserve it. But seeing as how it can’t be undone, I’m here with everyone else to send happy thoughts. If you ever want to meet up for drinks or go on a doggie date to the dog park, I would love to help you on the way back to happy Staci! I can promise you it is hard not to laugh when my dog runs straight from the water and into the dirt!
– Jen
p.s. If it makes you feel better, you will always be a better knitter than me! =)
Aw, gee — I was afraid it was something like that. Been there with my own BOOM, many years ago. It’s really hard when the other person absolutely refuses to consider any other options. You may go through a spell of doing things and feeling things that aren’t typical of how you think of yourself. It’s like a death. But you do get through it, trust me.
Staci,
Yes, I’m sorry you have to go through this. Now for the good stuff. Honestly, there is nothing more exciting than starting a new life OF YOUR CHOOSING! There will be struggles, but you never have to ask someone elses opinion or permission again. Okay, maybe not never, but think of things in your own terms. What do YOU want to do, be, see, experience? I have had this dumpy experience too many times to be your cryin’ buddy. I am an eternal optimist and hate feelings of self-pity so much that I throw all my energy into remedying the situation. I think you are a bit like that too. This is a perfect opportunity for a new adventure. I do not wish to disrespect your sorrow and pain, I feel it too, but after a few days, it’s not helpful. We don’t care if you are happy when you write at VeryPink – just post however you feel. And let us know how we can help? Courage.
I soooooo was not kidding about helping you travel to your next destination. A train ride through the great northwest sounds great to me….as long as it’s not snowing.
Do they allow pups on trains???
I am so sorry you’re going through this. I’m sure it must be difficult. Please let me know if I can do anything to help out in this difficult time.
I feel like I should say more, but I honestly don’t know what to say beyond what’s been said. But please know that, you do have a support group and people that will be there for you.
oh, dear. i knew that the silence couldn’t be a good thing. i doubt there’s anything i can say that someone else hasn’t said. so, i’ll just say… we all love you, and we all want the best for you. and your dogs. take care. cry when the urge takes you. that’s the best i can do, but please don’t hesitate to ask for more.
lots of hugs.
sending hugs to you and the dogs. i know you’ll help each other through this so you all come out the other side.
Oh, Staci, I’m so very sorry. Know that my thoughts are with you – and I know that you will get through this with the humor and strength you have always shown. If you need to cry – I’m willing to listen – if you need revenge (though I doubt your in the angry phase yet) I know some people, who know some people, who break some knee caps. 🙂
Best wishes,
Kassy
oh chicken 🙁 I’m so sorry.. I actually had the same situation happen to me earlier this year – it was like the bottom of my world just dropped out. I really, really feel for you. I promise that it gets better, because it can’t possibly get any worse. I used my rabbit to get through it, and your dogs will be there for you. Sometimes you don’t need anyone to say anything – you just need someone to sit with. All the very best and I’m SO relieved you are posting again, I was really worried!
Ouch. Staci I am so very sorry to hear about this. If you need anything, let me know. And if you need to laugh or just be around laughing, SnB has beer and funny people.
Staci,
My heart just goes out to you. This too shall pass and you will be happy again. Hang in there. Keep knitting and blogging!
We fellow Stacy/Staci/Stacie/Staceys need to stick together – I’m so sorry. Let me know if I can do anything!
We recently made each other “friends” on Ravelry–I’m really sorry to hear your news. Just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you.
I’m missing our breakfast club and I’ve been thinking of you!
I am very sorry, I know how hard this is, and how hard it will be. BUT
Time really does help heal, and the knowledge that you will and must survive has to be what you use as your strength.
Be careful driving, be careful with drinking, be careful in everything you do and try to focus on taking care of yourself.
Try to write things down before saying them (oh the mistakes I made) and get as much support as you can.
Just like everyone else I am here for you and wish that I could wish away the pain.
beth
Staci,
I’m sure that what I have to say has already been said many times over, but please know that you are in my thoughts and, while I have never met you in person, I am another person from Austin who believes that the “live music capital of the world” is one of the best places to recouperate.
One thing I will say is that after my own BOOM a couple years ago, I was able to evaluate what I wanted and didn’t want in a relationship/partner. These experiences suck a great deal, but they definitely teach you what you need to know for the future.
Definitely keep in touch with your friends…they will help you more than you could ever imagine. 🙂
Sending you many hugs and positive vibes…
Merrie
Thinking of you . . .
Lisa
I am so sorry to hear what is making you so sad.
Every day I going to see if you have posted something new and have left worried. I wish you the strength. My heart goes out to you.
Take care.
Hugs Dale
PS. I have two dogs and Seven cats…an animal lover like you.
I don’t know what I could say that hasn’t been said above…but I’m keeping you in my thoughts, hoping you get through this in the best way for you. Just…take care of yourself, especially right now.
Staci-I’m so very sorry. I wondered what happened after we exchanged emails when you were in Alaska. I know it’s so hard. Be strong. I’ll be thinking of you
I have been offline again much of this week, and hadn’t checked over here since … well, since your last post. I can’t begin to tell you how sad this all makes me feel – literal, physical pains. *sigh* I’m here if you ever need to talk, or anything really – a friend 4000 miles from home. I called last night because I just felt an overwhelming need to check in with you, and now I know why.
I had really hoped there would be counseling. And after 8 years, you would come out strong. Well, actually – I’m still confident you will come out strong. You are an amazing woman.
After reading other comments here, I clued into the reason behind my last comment – I went through a BOOM after 8 years too. In an always rocky relationship, but still. It is just hard to see it happen to people that you care about when you know how the pain feels.
Oh Staci, I am so sorry to hear of your relationship troubles. I have been reading your blog for several months and feel as if we have been friends for years. It always seemed like your relationship with Chris was so solid; I would never have guessed that was what was troubling you. Even though I only know you from your blog, I know you will some how land on your feet and I know your dogs will be a big part of making that happen. Having been through a divorce myself I know what you must be going through, but there is always a good side to every situation life throws at you, you just have to keep your eyes open and find it. I will be thinking about you and if you every need anything I will do whatever I can for you.
Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you today. {{{{hugs}}}
Staci, you are showing incredible strength and grace. I am thinking good thoughts for you. Take care.
DAMN YOU BLOGLINES! I swear I would have been here sooner!
God, girl. Okay, I know we don’t “know” each other, so forgive me if this is creepy/stalker, but you have all of my sympathy. And my admiration, for keeping it together. I’m so sorry that this happened to you, and I wish we lived closer so I could do something less awkward than leave a blog comment to show that I support you.
Staci,
My heart weeps for you.
Remember all the love you gave the furkids? Well now is the time to let them give it back. In your darkest moments one of the boys will be waiting to soothe your aching heart.
Lynn, Pupcake, Little Bits, Cali, Cinnamon and Shadow.
I saw the title and just thought “OH CRAP!!” – I’ve got that t-shirt too. Stay strong, get whatever help you need and don’t be afraid to feel your feelings. I’m so sorry this has happened – hugs to you Staci.
Hey Staci…
Wow…what a shock…I know EXACTLY how you feel. My ex did that when he up and took the kids out of school and called me on his way to TN. It sucks all the way around.
Things will get better I promise!!
Keep your chin up hun…you know my number if you need to talk. Give the puppies hugs…
You are in our thoughts and prayers…
Namaste~
Total stranger here in blogland…putting my support out there to a woman who needs it from a woman who’s been there. It’s nothing but yucky at first then you get to discover a new you. Your blog is fabulous and looks like something I would have if I had the time. New Mexico is a great getaway place and we have lots of cool knitters! Your dogs are so sweet. Take care.
My sister sent me this link to your blog, my husband left me out of nowhere one year ago in August. You have a long hard and painful road ahead but it will get better. You will be happy again and your world will start to make sense again, just hang in there. Friends and family will mean well even when what they say infuriates you. Its ok to still love him even though he has done this to you, it takes time for those feelings to change from married love to love that is less intense. The intensity of your feelings will eventaully calm down. Remember to take care of yourself during this time give yourself time to grieve your monumental loss. Thinking of you. Carrie
Oh, sweetie!
I just visited your blog for the first time (I don’t get around much…) and I’m so sorry for such an inelegant and ‘surprise!’ ending to what seems to have been a meaningful – and fun – relationship.
Life is such a crap shoot sometimes, huh?
Best of luck to you – sometimes things just suck for a little bit, then they get better. It stinks to be in the sucky part – but know that in the future when you run across a friend in the same place, you’ll be uniquely equipped to make their life a little easier by having been there. No one wants to be a broken-heart-cartologist, sometimes life forces us to be one!
I thought I had already commented but apparently not…I’m so sorry to hear this Staci. But all your knitting buddies at SnB are there for you if you need anything!
Staci, I am so sorry that you are going through this. That said, I admire your strength and from what I know of you from reading your site, you will overcome this, grow from it and in time look back on it as just one more thing that shaped you into the person you’ve become. My thoughts are with you.
Hi Staci, I’ve been out of the loop for the last month and am now catching up with your blog. It’s funny, I don’t know you in person, just here on the Internet, yet I let out a gasp when I read this entry. I felt like I was talking to a good friend (which I think you are to me). I’ve been in your situation (well, not exactly, but I have been divorced) and I want you to know that it will get better. Not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it will get better.
Hang in there and know I’m sending you happy thoughts and positive energy. If you’re ever in southwest Missouri, feel free to find me. I have a tiny bungalow with cats, but it’s comfy and welcoming.
Holy shit. That’s not at all what I was expecting. To be honest I thought one of you found out you were ill… breaking up never even crossed my mind. I’m shocked!!
You know that’s one of the things that scares me most, especially in my situation. Living here, not working and watching life sort of pass me by. What happens if in 5, 10 or 15 years my husband drops the BOOM on me? I’d be up the poopoo creek without a paddle! This has really given me some food for thought.
It sounds like you are coping well though and I really do hope things work out for you. I will be reading and keeping up on how you get along… *hugs*
Sorry that you’re going through all this.
Yo. SUP. Coco says it all aint no thang. And Coco says Ike is BAD ASS.
Coco says IKE can KICK it wit her as she chases his BAD MO FO BASENJI KUNG FU grip curly ass up and over dat couch and under dat table and swizzling round da room and she still can’t catch his THUG AZZZZZ cuz he’s bad as whut you is. You is da-shnizzler.
Sorry. Hi Staci. It’s Steve and Coco. Just saying hi and remembering how funny it was to watch Coco chase Ike up and over and around and down and in and out of that house of yours and watch that bad ass Ike kick off those walls and stand up and box my big loveable Chesapeake who is ELEVEN AND A HALF and gitten long in de tooth..
That Ike got hit and said AINT NO THANG and got up and said BRING IT.. YO.
(for casual readers Ike got hit by a car and shrugged it off and still was full of juice. Just like Staci)
Oh yeah the Pizza was good and you’re still a rock star blonde.
Hang in there.
🙂
I don’t know you, but I started reading your blog because I’m learning to knit and one of my friends told me about your site (you make such fabulous things!). I’ve greatly enjoyed reading your take on the world (I’m a dog person too, but dachshunds are my breed of choice), and I was so saddened to read this entry. How lovely, though, to know you have so many positive wishes and thoughts coming your way; please add mine to the list. Take care and lean on those closest to you, and soak up all that unconditional four-legged love!
Staci,
After finding your link on BRAT, I’ve loved your blog for quite awhile and marveled at your talent, heart, wit, soul. You are a true force of nature as well as being what my 95-year-old father would call “quite a tomato.” That a mere man could drop this BOOM on one such as you proves….I don’t know what, but it’s just wrong!
I suffered my own BOOM recently, and found to my amazement that acting like everything’s okay, at least in public, has made things FEEL much more okay than I thought they could at this point. I realize how vile that sounds, but it’s a discovery I wish I’d made years earlier. I have no doubt that better things await you on the other side of this door.
I moved last year from Austin to Seattle, have two basenjis – one a rescue – and love to knit, so you’re in my heart although we haven’t met. You’ve got guts and you WILL be just fine when the dust settles!